Wednesday, July 4, 2012

At Home with Mila

Just being at home with a newborn, skin to skin, doing nothing - these are some of the best days of my life...
 Mila, my newborn, this time with you has been so precious!  Just as I was with Avi, I am so in awe of you!  God made you perfect – your ears, your tiny fingers, your skin, your everything!  I’m so lucky I get to stare at you, feel your softer-than-air skin, smell your newborn sweetness, carry you around and have you fall asleep in my arms.  Oh and you make me laugh! How you make me laugh!  One of my favorite Silly Mila moments is when you wake up and want milk. You are such a sleepy little thing that you won’t even bother opening your eyes to look for the nipple, you will just open your mouth wide, and swing you head from side to side like you are saying “no” – I have to position myself in the right spot so your sweeping mouth will come in contact and you can latch on.  You are so hilarious!  I also love how you smile in your sleep!  Especially after you have some milk, I will lay you back down and your eyes will be closed and I can’t tell if you’re asleep or just in a dream-like state, but you will give these little 1-2 second smiles – so genuine and so contagious. 

 I also love seeing your dad hold you.  It’s hard being the second child – I wish we had more time to just lay together – your dad and me and you – but when we do get a second together, I love looking at your dad looking at you.  His whole body changes: he turns all soft and innocent looking, just by looking at you!  His face takes on a content and proud silent countenance. 

 Today you are 4 weeks old.  You are one moon old.  (I love how you were born on a full moon – I will remember your wonderful birth every time I see the full moon for the rest of my life.)  You seem to be growing up too quickly – I want this newborn stage with you to last for years!  I’m actually tearing up right now as I write this…  I want you to know that I loved you before you even uttered a word, before you did any “thing” for me, before you ever said “I love you, Mommy” – I love you just because you are you, because you are Mila, because you are here and you are now. Please remember those that love you for just being you are those that are worth loving in return.  God’s grace is so magnificent, so grand, and so incomprehensible – except to me as the mother of a little newborn like you, I think I now have a tiny glimpse of its greatness.  Thank you for this gift of God and grace and understanding.

 I love every part of being a mother.  I hope Aveah and Mila enjoy being a mother as much as I do, should they choose to have children.  I love the way my body adapts to being a mother – from lack of sleep resilience, to milk supply, to emotional love growth – it’s like I’m truly fulfilling what I was meant to be in life.  I know that what I’m doing right now is exactly what I am meant to be doing right now.  That is a nice realization. 

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